06. Stop Thinking - Ego

There are so many "I"s inside me.
In consciousness and unconsciousness,
in ego and true self,
in emotion and reason,
in man and woman,
in love and indifference,
in calmness and passion,
the love of the great universe and the love of the micro universe,
come inside me and are living together.

As long as I'm breathing,
thoughts and emotions arise,
feelings and logics come and go,
understanding and misapprehension interchanges each other,
moments of delusion and judgment occurs,
sexual desires arise constantly.

There is "I" ceaselessly whispering that "I am lonely".
There is "I" thinking always suffering from lack of money.
There is "I" full of dissatisfaction because of not being successful.
There is "I" ashamed of past mistakes committed.
There is "I" envious because of not being loved.
And there is "I" stubbornly whining for love and wishing to be recognized by others, nonetheless knowing everything.

I stare at myself who is always lost in thoughts.
There is "I" who lie awake worrying overnight.
There is "I" who is anxious and restless.
There is "I" who get angry, annoyed and yell.
There is "I" who is so impatient and impetuous that the same mistakes get repeated.
There is "I" who get sulky and turn back on others, blaming them for not understanding my heart.
There is "I" who always make excuses and try to find solutions outside, even though my weakness is the reason to hurt me.
There is "I" who always blame on others, not realizing the root of a problem and always beating around the bush.
There is "I" who tend to believe that enlightenment is achieved only through spiritual disciplines and my efforts could make everything possible.
There is "I" who is always concerned to seek fun.
There is "I" who is stupidly in foolish love.

There is "I" who always feel deficiencies.
There is "I" who always create unsatisfactory realities in consciousness of insufficiency.
There is "I" who is always sitting on the deficiencies.

There is "I" who is wounded, feeling pain, waiting for someone who could give a hand, hiding myself.
There is "I" who is excel in exaggerating my situation that my pains and sufferings are the hardest and most challenging.

Though knowing that there is nowhere to run away and hide even if I do, I watch myself who is childish enough to cause serious troubles while acting like a baby.

If you are lost in trouble and agony,
you are living, endlessly depleting your own energy.
Realize and notice that.
Watch yourself stuck in situations and see through negative emotional lines get snowballing.
Simply stop!
Simply stop thoughts generated from constantly rising fears and deficiencies in a second.

It is not your “true Self” who is responding to the situation.
Notice that your ego and your negative energy, which was created by wounded yourself that you feel and judge, is operating.

The moment that I separate "my Ego" from "real Me" and recognize them, "stop thinking" is done.
For a moment, put down negative thoughts which gave you hard times. Expand yourself with positive thoughts. This is the skill of "stop thinking".
Once “stop thinking” begins to work, my anger and rage no longer go toward others. It will emasculate a dagger of anger which could come back to me like a boomerang.
The signal of my first love toward myself exists in discovering the source of negative thoughts and stopping them, thereby no more giving off negative energy outward.

Udeka writes.
*Translated by BB. Edited by Metrica.